Skype scambaiting: The Guarantee Trust Fund Company loans me teeth

Of all the scammers who have tried to con me with their 419 scams on Skype, ‘micheal collins’ was by far one of the most unbelievably patient. Since we all benefit from a little positive feedback, my top tip for Mikey would be to learn how to spell ‘Michael’, and to choose to represent a bank that already has a website before trying it on with me…

Enjoy, and share.

Skype scammers need to try way harder than this

[09:18:59] micheal collins: Greetings:

Getting a legitimate loan have always been a big problem
for customers who have financial needs. The issue of credit and guarantees are
something customers are always interested in seeking a loan from a legitimate
lender. But private credit services. made a difference in the lending
industry.

A pile of Australian coins

Coins

Guarantee Trust Fund Company we offer loan at 3% was credited by
the creditor to lend to local and international clients. We have had the
privilege of meeting your financial needs. The issue of credit stop you from
getting the loan you need. Our services include the following [redacted]@gmail.com
* Investor Loans
* Debt Consolidation
* Second Mortgage
* Business
Loans
* Personal Loans
* International Loan

Personal Requirements
Details:

* Loan Amount Required:
* Loan Purpose:
* Country:
*
Name:
* Duration:
* Age:
* Phone Number:

For More Information,

Contact me via: [redacted]@gmail.com
*Social
security and no credit check, 100% guarantee. All you have to do is let us know
exactly what you want and no doubt will make your dream come true. Guarantee
Trust Fund Company. say yes when banks say NO. Finally, a loan fund for small
scale, intermediaries, small financial institutions that have unlimited
capital.

Sincerely, pending your response.

Best
regards
Guarantee Trust Fund Company

The problem with my teeth

[09:20:53] Dave The Happy Singer: Hello.
[09:20:59] Dave The Happy Singer: I am interested in a loan.
[09:21:05] Dave The Happy Singer: What do you loan?

[09:21:11] micheal collins: am good and you?

[09:21:38] Dave The Happy Singer: I’m ok, except for the problem with my teeth.

[09:21:50] micheal collins: lol sorry for that
[09:22:13] micheal collins: you said you are interested in securing a loan?

[09:24:31] Dave The Happy Singer: Securing it?

[09:24:37] micheal collins: hello dave are you still there?

[09:24:40] Dave The Happy Singer: Well, yes, security will be an issue too.
[09:24:52] Dave The Happy Singer: Yes, I am still here. Just had another one drop out. Sorry.
[09:24:57] Dave The Happy Singer: So how many can you get me?

[09:25:02] micheal collins: who do you mean by security?
[09:25:31] micheal collins: depending on the amount you want

[09:26:01] Dave The Happy Singer: I was hoping for 30.
[09:26:06] Dave The Happy Singer: Then I’ll have some spares.

[09:26:11] micheal collins: just fill the form on our message and send it to the company email address

The Guarantee Trust Fund Company’s e-mail address

[09:26:29] Dave The Happy Singer: I’m not sure I understand.
[09:26:40] Dave The Happy Singer: Your company uses a gmail address?

3-D @

Gmail addresses: when you want to look serious

[09:26:43] micheal collins: they will get back to you as soon as possible
[09:26:52] micheal collins: yes

[09:27:28] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh. In the past, my impression was that reputable companies had their own domain name.
[09:27:43] Dave The Happy Singer: mail@badgerspunk.com, for example
[09:27:52] Dave The Happy Singer: Or contact@borrowsometeeth.com

[09:27:57] micheal collins: yes our name is guarantee trust fund company

[09:28:13] Dave The Happy Singer: That sounds impressive.
[09:28:32] Dave The Happy Singer: Can you explain a little bit more about the process?

[09:28:58] micheal collins: yes i understand that but company chooses the address they wish to you
[09:29:08] micheal collins: yes
[09:29:31] micheal collins: when you applied for the loan by filling the form
[09:30:15] micheal collins: for example how much would you be intrested in appling for?
[09:31:11] micheal collins: hello dave you still there?

[09:32:04] Dave The Happy Singer: I am still here. I’m just trying to figure out how much this will cost.
[09:32:22] Dave The Happy Singer: I was hoping to borrow 30.
[09:45:48] Dave The Happy Singer: I could arrange to have them implanted myself.
[09:45:54] Dave The Happy Singer: Michael?

Loss of teeth over time: actuarial calculations

[11:17:59] micheal collins: hello dave
[11:18:08] micheal collins: ((handshake))

[11:18:36] Dave The Happy Singer: Hello!
[11:18:43] Dave The Happy Singer: I like the animation!

[11:18:52] micheal collins: you were not rasponding
[11:18:58] micheal collins: ok

[11:19:05] Dave The Happy Singer: I’m sorry. I had another tooth fall out.

[11:19:27] micheal collins: oh so sorry
[11:19:47] micheal collins: so back to the topic we were discussing earlier
[11:20:38] micheal collins: so have you made up your mind on how much you want?

A glass of wine

Wine-flavoured wine

[11:21:08] Dave The Happy Singer: I was thinking 30. 

[11:21:36] micheal collins: you means $30,000
[11:21:50] micheal collins: ?

[11:23:31] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh. Do I?

[11:23:51] micheal collins: get us the following  name;       email address;      phone number;        loan duration;           amount requested;

[11:24:27] Dave The Happy Singer: What do you mean by ‘loan duration’?

[11:25:03] micheal collins: i mean how long you need the loan like how many years

[11:25:31] Dave The Happy Singer: I suppose that depends on how long I’ll live.
[11:26:00] Dave The Happy Singer: What do you think? I exercise regularly and I only drink one or two bottles of wine per night.
[11:26:05] Dave The Happy Singer: So… 90. maybe?
[11:26:30] Dave The Happy Singer: Although I’m 30 now.

[11:26:39] micheal collins: no i meant how long would it take you to ray back the loan

[11:26:50] Dave The Happy Singer: And I could probably get by on soup for the last ten years.

[11:26:52] micheal collins: pay back the loan

What colour do your loans come in?

[11:27:04] Dave The Happy Singer: So I think I’d need them for about 50 years.
[11:27:17] Dave The Happy Singer: What colour do your loans come in?

Goldie showing his teeth

Goldie played a guy called 'Bullion'. What are the chances of that?

[11:27:41] micheal collins: what do you mean colour?

[11:28:20] Dave The Happy Singer: Well, white for example?
[11:28:34] Dave The Happy Singer: That’s probably best. I’ve seen yellow before and I wasn’t too keen.

[11:28:49] micheal collins: ok white

[11:28:54] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh, and there was a guy in GoldenEye with gold ones!

[11:29:10] micheal collins: but fill the information i as you to fill

[11:29:35] Dave The Happy Singer: Bluetooth rings a bell, but I think that’s something totally different.
[11:29:43] Dave The Happy Singer: Ok, so you want me to send your company an e-mail?
[11:30:14] Dave The Happy Singer: Do I need to send any photographs?

[11:30:34] micheal collins: yes your number,email address,loan period,name
[11:30:59] micheal collins: country and loan amount
[11:31:32] micheal collins: or senr it to me so i can give the information to the company

A photograph of my mouth

[11:31:47] Dave The Happy Singer: I see.
[11:32:06] Dave The Happy Singer: No photographs then? I only ask because mine is somewhat unusual.

[11:33:09] micheal collins: ok
[11:33:16] micheal collins: send it

Gavin Estler's wide mouth

Whoa.

[11:33:43] Dave The Happy Singer: I agree, it’s for the best. I have quite a wide one, you see. A bit like Gavin Esler’s but even more so.
[11:33:56] Dave The Happy Singer: So where one person might only get 26 or 27 in, I might need 30.
[11:34:19] Dave The Happy Singer: And should probably get some spares. I might even go up to 40.
[11:34:38] Dave The Happy Singer: Can you tell me what payments are involved and how they are transacted? 

[11:35:53] micheal collins: they are transacted by bank to bank wire payment.western union and money gram certified cheque
[11:36:04] micheal collins: depending on your chioce

[11:36:12] Dave The Happy Singer: So, I’d send you money by Western Union for example?
[11:36:29] Dave The Happy Singer: And the loan? How is that sent? Post or courier?

[11:36:31] micheal collins: no

[11:36:38] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh!

[11:36:59] micheal collins: you choice the option you want us to send your loan to you

[11:37:16] Dave The Happy Singer: Ok. How are they packaged?
[11:37:42] Dave The Happy Singer: I imagine they are not sent loose, or refrigerated.

[11:37:42] micheal collins: either by bank to bank wire tranfer,western union or money gram certified cheque

[11:38:04] Dave The Happy Singer: Not by mail?

[11:38:13] micheal collins: no not by mail

Where can I pick up my new teeth?

[11:38:53] Dave The Happy Singer: Interesting. I suppose I could pick them up in person though. That should be ok.
[11:39:06] Dave The Happy Singer: Do I need to go to a specialist place to pick up the loan?
[11:39:13] Dave The Happy Singer: Or will any orthodontist do?

[11:39:43] micheal collins: yes you can pick iot up in person
[11:40:27] micheal collins: no if you want us to send it to your bank account

[11:40:54] Dave The Happy Singer: I don’t want my bank to know. It’s a little embarrassing.

[11:41:00] micheal collins: or any other means you want the loan to be send to you

[11:41:03] Dave The Happy Singer: Can you tell me how long the process might take?

[11:41:28] micheal collins: it takes just 45 min

[11:42:01] Dave The Happy Singer: I’m down to four at the moment, you see.

[11:42:25] micheal collins: the information i requested you have not sent it
[11:42:32] micheal collins: send it

Falling victim to a scam

[11:43:16] Dave The Happy Singer: Is there any guarantee?

[11:43:25] micheal collins: send the information

[11:43:32] Dave The Happy Singer: What information?

[11:43:38] micheal collins: yes there are guarantee

[11:44:08] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh, good.
[11:44:13] Dave The Happy Singer: Because I wouldn’t want to get scammed.
[11:44:22] Dave The Happy Singer: I heard of someone who fell victim to a scam once.

Plastic teeth

Plastic teeth. No good against a Granny Smith

[11:44:35] micheal collins: name;          phone number;           email address;             amount requested;         loan duration

[11:44:36] Dave The Happy Singer: When his teeth arrived, it turns out they were plastic!
[11:44:39] Dave The Happy Singer: Can you believe that!

[11:44:44] micheal collins: oh

The remarkable website of the Guarantee Trut Fund Company

[11:45:00] Dave The Happy Singer: I hope you won’t send me plastic teeth, Michael.

[11:45:12] micheal collins: we do not involue our self in con activities

[11:45:22] Dave The Happy Singer: But with ‘guarantee’ and ‘trust’ in your company’s name, what could possibly go wrong?

[11:45:25] micheal collins: we are reputable loan company

[11:45:31] Dave The Happy Singer: Ah.

[11:45:43] micheal collins: nothing is going to go wrong

[11:45:44] Dave The Happy Singer: Your assurance means a lot to me. Have you got a website I can look at?

[11:45:52] micheal collins: yes

[11:46:01] Dave The Happy Singer: Please give me the address!
[11:46:06] Dave The Happy Singer: I am excited. Are you?

[11:46:25] micheal collins: www.guaranteetrustfundcompany.com

[11:46:40] Dave The Happy Singer: Finally a new set of Hampsteads!

[11:46:44] micheal collins: so send the information i ask you

Guarantee Trust Fund Company

I think Michael's website's been hacked

[11:48:18] Dave The Happy Singer: I just looked at that website.
[11:48:32] Dave The Happy Singer: Are you sure that’s a real tooth loan company?

[11:48:35] micheal collins: ok
[11:48:44] micheal collins: yes it is real

[11:48:59] Dave The Happy Singer: All I could see was a picture of Timmy Mallett with a donkey, a broom and large sandwich.

[11:49:09] micheal collins: oh

[11:49:20] Dave The Happy Singer: Perhaps the website is down right now.

[11:49:26] micheal collins: just send the information
[11:49:33] micheal collins: yes

[11:49:33] Dave The Happy Singer: Or maybe it was hackers.
[11:49:42] Dave The Happy Singer: Did you hear about the Playstation Network?
[11:49:50] Dave The Happy Singer: Crazy things those kids do.
[11:50:09] Dave The Happy Singer: Ok, so I am going to send you some information.

[11:50:13] micheal collins: yesi heard of it

[11:50:18] Dave The Happy Singer: And a photograph of my mouth.
[11:50:30] Dave The Happy Singer: Wide and largely empty such as it is.

Just remind me of the details you need from me?

[11:50:54] Dave The Happy Singer: Meanwhile, you should probably take down the Timmy Mallett picture.

[11:51:10] micheal collins: ok
[11:51:27] micheal collins: but sent me the information i ask you

[11:51:30] Dave The Happy Singer: Yes.
[11:51:35] Dave The Happy Singer: Can I check I have this right?
[11:51:40] Dave The Happy Singer: You need my name.
[11:51:44] Dave The Happy Singer: My e-mail address.
[11:51:49] Dave The Happy Singer: A photograph of my mouth.

[11:51:59] micheal collins: phon number

Broken piano

I can only play chopsticks. And only eat with them.

[11:52:00] Dave The Happy Singer: Anything else?
[11:52:02] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh, yes.
[11:52:08] Dave The Happy Singer: You need my phone number.

[11:52:08] micheal collins: amount needed

[11:52:15] Dave The Happy Singer: And the number of teeth, right. Yes.

[11:52:27] micheal collins: yes so the company can contact you

[11:52:48] Dave The Happy Singer: And the address of the orthodontic surgeon where I will be picking up the teeth for implantation.
[11:52:56] Dave The Happy Singer: Ah, of course! Contact details.
[11:53:04] Dave The Happy Singer: My mouth looks like a broken piano

[11:53:12] micheal collins: yes contact details

[11:53:56] Dave The Happy Singer: I have my own swabs: will that be a problem?

[11:54:11] micheal collins: no
[11:54:15] micheal collins: send it

[11:54:29] Dave The Happy Singer: That’s good news. They were supposed to be for animals, but I got a really good deal.

Trustworthy-sounding names on the board of directors

[11:54:44] Dave The Happy Singer: You seem like a really trustworthy guy, Michael.
[11:54:55] Dave The Happy Singer: Apart from the donkey-broom picture.
[11:55:08] Dave The Happy Singer: But I’m sure that’s just a temporary glitch.

[11:55:12] micheal collins: yes i am

[11:55:23] Dave The Happy Singer: Have you got any e-mails from satisfied customers?

[11:55:58] micheal collins: yes i have gotten emails from certified costomers

[11:56:15] Dave The Happy Singer: I’m glad your costomers are certified.
[11:56:38] Dave The Happy Singer: That is very important. The number of unqualified costomers running around these days is insane.
[11:56:57] Dave The Happy Singer: I saw one guys once trying to costom and all he had was a diploma in chiropractic!

[11:57:02] micheal collins: so send me youre so i can forward it to the board of directors so your loan can be approved

[11:57:04] Dave The Happy Singer: Insane?
[11:57:09] Dave The Happy Singer: I have sent the e-mail now.

[11:57:17] micheal collins: and you get it within the next 24 hours

[11:57:29] Dave The Happy Singer: What are the names of the directors?
[11:57:42] Dave The Happy Singer: And are they all qualified dental surgeons?

[11:58:18] micheal collins: mr bobby white,mr dixon lee,mr wilson daniels
[11:58:34] micheal collins: they are all expect in the business

[11:58:49] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh, they certainly sound very trustworthy.
[11:58:59] Dave The Happy Singer: Good, solid, resonant names.

[11:59:09] micheal collins: so just sentd the info

Mariah Carey's breasts

Not famous for dentistry

[11:59:22] Dave The Happy Singer: Perfectly suitable for tooth rental. Especially Mr Bobby White!
[11:59:48] Dave The Happy Singer: Imagine trying to lend teeth your name was Caries!
[11:59:53] Dave The Happy Singer: Or Mariah Carey!
[12:00:13] Dave The Happy Singer: I bet she wouldn’t be able to last a day in the tooth-rental business.
[12:00:20] Dave The Happy Singer: Do you agree with me, Michael?

[12:00:57] micheal collins: yes i fully agree with you

[12:01:02] Dave The Happy Singer: Of course!
[12:01:16] Dave The Happy Singer: Mr McCavity wouldn’t be able to do it either.
[12:01:24] Dave The Happy Singer: Unless his first name were Phil!

[12:01:30] micheal collins: but send the information to me so i can forward it to the boaed
[12:01:35] micheal collins: board

[12:01:37] Dave The Happy Singer: Although I’m not sure McCavity is a real name, you know?

What? The board didn’t receive my e-mail? No way!

[12:01:45] Dave The Happy Singer: I have sent you the e-mail.,
[12:01:55] Dave The Happy Singer: Please ask the board of directors not to laugh.

[12:02:06] micheal collins: on the company ‘s email address

[12:02:11] Dave The Happy Singer: Yep.
[12:02:16] Dave The Happy Singer: The one you gave me earlier.
[12:02:23] Dave The Happy Singer: With the picture of Timmy Mallett.
[12:02:29] Dave The Happy Singer: And the donkey.
[12:02:34] Dave The Happy Singer: And the broom.
[12:02:56] Dave The Happy Singer: And the big sandwich.

[12:03:05] micheal collins: ok i will see your loan will be approve and you will get it within the next 24 hours

[12:03:29] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh, that’s fantastic news!
[12:03:38] Dave The Happy Singer: How can you manufacture them so quickly?

[12:04:09] micheal collins: i will send them your information

[12:04:34] Dave The Happy Singer: Excellent. When will I have to start paying you money via Western Union, never to be seen again?

[12:04:54] micheal collins: no
[12:06:17] micheal collins: you sure you sent it
[12:06:19] micheal collins: ?
[12:06:41] micheal collins: hello dave

[12:06:52] Dave The Happy Singer: Hello, Michael, my friend!
[12:07:02] Dave The Happy Singer: I’m very excited about the loan.
[12:07:17] Dave The Happy Singer: Just think of all the things I’ll be able to bite!

[12:07:20] micheal collins: sent me your informations

[12:07:42] Dave The Happy Singer: Falafel, carrot, Ryvita, oh my!

[12:07:52] micheal collins: i call just now they said they did not get it

[12:07:58] Dave The Happy Singer: No more sucking diluted hummus through straws!
[12:08:02] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh!
[12:08:15] Dave The Happy Singer: Which address did they check?
[12:08:20] Dave The Happy Singer: I definitely e-mailed.

[12:08:37] micheal collins: [redacted]@gmail.com

[12:08:43] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh!
[12:09:01] Dave The Happy Singer: I e-mailed the contact address on the website you gave me!

[12:09:38] micheal collins: no send it to this email [redacted]@gmail.com

[12:09:45] Dave The Happy Singer: toothrental@guaranteetrustfundcompany.com
[12:09:52] Dave The Happy Singer: Aha!

[12:09:56] micheal collins: no

[12:09:58] Dave The Happy Singer: My mistake, sorry.

[12:10:09] micheal collins: this one [redacted]@gmail.com

[12:10:15] Dave The Happy Singer: Ok.

I’ll just not write it and not send it again, then.

[12:10:19] Dave The Happy Singer: Hmm.
[12:10:26] Dave The Happy Singer: I can’t seem to find the e-mail in my outbox.
[12:10:31] Dave The Happy Singer: So I’ll have to write it again.

[12:10:37] micheal collins: yes

[12:10:47] Dave The Happy Singer: Can you wait a minute while I do that?

[12:10:49] micheal collins: write it again and send it

[12:10:54] Dave The Happy Singer: I hope you aren’t too busy today!

[12:11:01] micheal collins: yes of course
[12:11:04] micheal collins: no

[12:11:05] Dave The Happy Singer: You seem to have been spending quite a time chatting to me!

[12:11:13] micheal collins: yes

Old guy missing teeth

Rawr

[12:11:13] Dave The Happy Singer: I am very grateful for all your patience.
[12:11:32] Dave The Happy Singer: Although I’m sure your dentist colleagues are grateful for all their patients!
[12:11:42] Dave The Happy Singer: Ok, so I need to send you an e-mail with the following:
[12:11:46] Dave The Happy Singer: My name,
[12:11:57] Dave The Happy Singer: My bank’s address,
[12:12:02] Dave The Happy Singer: The width of my mouth,
[12:12:05] Dave The Happy Singer: My phone number
[12:12:08] Dave The Happy Singer: What else?

[12:12:19] micheal collins: email address
[12:12:27] micheal collins: loan amount

[12:12:34] Dave The Happy Singer: Ah! Of course. How can I send an e-mail without an e-mail address!

[12:12:37] micheal collins: time of loan

[12:12:45] Dave The Happy Singer: That would be crazy.
[12:12:48] Dave The Happy Singer: Time of loan?

[12:12:56] micheal collins: ok

[12:12:57] Dave The Happy Singer: Shall we say, about 4.30pm tomorrow?
[12:13:28] Dave The Happy Singer: That should give you plenty of time to wrap each one in the cellophane and cotton wool or whatever.
[12:13:32] Dave The Happy Singer: This will be fun!
[12:13:37] Dave The Happy Singer: Bite, bite, bite!

[12:13:40] micheal collins: yes
[12:13:50] micheal collins: just send it now

To be honest, the meter is incosistent too…

[12:13:56] Dave The Happy Singer: Maybe I could even employ a lady to bite.
[12:14:02] Dave The Happy Singer: I’ve never tried that.
[12:14:14] Dave The Happy Singer: Yes, I will send the e-mail in just a minute.
[12:14:20] Dave The Happy Singer: I’m putting the finishing touches to it.

[12:14:27] micheal collins: ok

[12:14:29] Dave The Happy Singer: I’m struggling to make the last stanza rhyme.
[12:14:45] Dave The Happy Singer: Can you think of any words that rhyme with ’419′?

[12:14:56] micheal collins: no

[12:15:05] Dave The Happy Singer: Yeah, it’s tricky!
[12:15:14] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh, I know! Crime!

Scammer Micheal Collins will solve all my problems

[12:15:25] Dave The Happy Singer: That fits quite well.
[12:15:37] Dave The Happy Singer: OUCH!
[12:15:42] Dave The Happy Singer: OW OW OW OW OW!

[12:15:52] micheal collins: ok just send itnow

[12:16:05] Dave The Happy Singer: OW OW OW OW OWWWWIEE!

[12:16:34] micheal collins: have you sent it/
[12:16:38] micheal collins: ?

[12:16:39] Dave The Happy Singer: One second.
[12:16:42] Dave The Happy Singer: Just lost another.
[12:16:51] Dave The Happy Singer: Another one bites the dust, you might say!
[12:16:58] Dave The Happy Singer: Look at me, joking at a time like this.
[12:17:01] Dave The Happy Singer: Only three left.

[12:17:10] micheal collins: yes it good

Gift

(Lingerie).

[12:17:14] Dave The Happy Singer: Still, that won’t be a problem tomorrow, will it?

[12:17:23] micheal collins: it help the body and soul

[12:17:28] Dave The Happy Singer: You’re going to solve all my problems, Mikey-boy.

[12:17:30] micheal collins: no not at all

[12:17:41] Dave The Happy Singer: Maybe I could get you a little gift to say thank you.
[12:17:46] Dave The Happy Singer: Would your board allow that?

[12:17:51] micheal collins: ok

[12:18:12] Dave The Happy Singer: I’ll have to re-take the photograph now, as I only have three teeth left.

[12:18:38] micheal collins: that is not a problem
[12:18:48] micheal collins: just send the information

[12:18:57] Dave The Happy Singer: Will do.
[12:19:16] Dave The Happy Singer: Damn.

Send what? Where?

[12:19:42] micheal collins: ok
[12:19:47] micheal collins: do it now

[12:19:53] Dave The Happy Singer: Do what?

[12:20:07] micheal collins: send it now

[12:20:55] Dave The Happy Singer: Send what?

[12:21:17] micheal collins: the information
[12:21:25] micheal collins: i ask you to send

[12:21:29] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh, right!
[12:21:30] Dave The Happy Singer: That!
[12:21:35] Dave The Happy Singer: The photograph!

[12:21:37] micheal collins: yes
[12:21:42] micheal collins: no

[12:21:44] Dave The Happy Singer: No?

[12:21:47] micheal collins: the name;

[12:21:50] Dave The Happy Singer: The name.

[12:21:56] micheal collins: rhone number

[12:21:58] Dave The Happy Singer: Your name?

[12:22:09] micheal collins: your name

[12:22:13] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh, I see.

[12:22:17] micheal collins: phone number

[12:22:21] Dave The Happy Singer: Phone number.

40,000 teeth under the sea?

[12:22:22] micheal collins: loan amount
[12:22:32] micheal collins: loan duratio

[12:22:33] Dave The Happy Singer: Loan amount? I think I decided on 40.
[12:22:40] Dave The Happy Singer: Loan duration? That was 50 years.
[12:22:54] Dave The Happy Singer: Assuming I die at 90 and live off soup for my last ten years.

[12:22:55] micheal collins: $40,000

[12:22:59] Dave The Happy Singer: No, 40.

[12:23:08] micheal collins: $40

Calculator

Michael's as good at maths as he is at scamming

[12:23:31] Dave The Happy Singer: To get through 40,000 in 40 years would mean I’d have to lose a lot every year.
[12:23:37] Dave The Happy Singer: Let me work this out…
[12:23:44] Dave The Happy Singer: 40,000 divided by 40…

[12:23:53] micheal collins: 10,000
[12:24:03] micheal collins: sorry
[12:24:24] micheal collins: 1000
[12:24:30] micheal collins: $

[12:24:48] Dave The Happy Singer: That’s what I got, too.
[12:24:52] Dave The Happy Singer: 1,000.

[12:25:03] micheal collins: ok

[12:25:07] Dave The Happy Singer: That is 83 per month!

[12:25:12] micheal collins: phone number

[12:25:20] Dave The Happy Singer: Nineteen per week!

[12:25:32] micheal collins: ok

[12:25:35] Dave The Happy Singer: Nearly three per day!

[12:25:37] micheal collins: phone number

[12:25:41] Dave The Happy Singer: Mind you, I’ve lost three today.

[12:25:52] micheal collins: your phone number

[12:25:56] Dave The Happy Singer: But they didn’t have any structural integrity having lost their neighbours.
[12:26:07] Dave The Happy Singer: I think that affects things a lot.

You want my phone what?

[12:26:12] micheal collins: phone number

[12:26:48] Dave The Happy Singer: What number?

[12:27:05] micheal collins: your phone number to reach you

[12:27:14] Dave The Happy Singer: I don’t know your phone number.

[12:27:34] micheal collins: i mean your phone number

[12:27:55] Dave The Happy Singer: But you don’t know my phone number either.

[12:28:24] micheal collins: yes that why i need your phone number

[12:29:00] Dave The Happy Singer: I think I understand.
[12:29:10] Dave The Happy Singer: You want me to give you my phone number?

[12:29:44] micheal collins: yes so we can call you to let you know your loan is ready

[12:29:55] Dave The Happy Singer: And then you will call me and give me your phone number?
[12:30:28] Dave The Happy Singer: That way, I’ll be able to call you to let you know what my number is.
[12:30:44] Dave The Happy Singer: Otherwise, how will you be able to call me to let me know my loan is ready?

[12:31:05] micheal collins: hello dave

[12:31:09] Dave The Happy Singer: Hello, Michael!

[12:31:37] micheal collins: are you there?

[12:31:44] Dave The Happy Singer: Yes, I am here. Are you here?

[12:31:59] micheal collins: yes give me your number

[12:32:04] Dave The Happy Singer: Ah, you’re there.
[12:32:05] Dave The Happy Singer: Excellent!

[12:32:30] micheal collins: ok give me youe number

[12:32:39] Dave The Happy Singer: One second. I’m just switching my phone on.

[12:32:45] micheal collins: ok
[12:36:12] micheal collins: are you there?

[12:37:14] Dave The Happy Singer: YEs, I am.

[12:37:20] micheal collins: dave

[12:37:22] Dave The Happy Singer: I was just waiting for my phone to boot up.
[12:37:27] Dave The Happy Singer: Yes, Michael?

[12:37:34] micheal collins: ok dave

[12:38:39] Dave The Happy Singer: Ok.
[12:38:48] Dave The Happy Singer: My phone is switched on.
[12:38:52] Dave The Happy Singer: You can call me now.

[12:39:08] micheal collins: ok give me your number

Old mobile

It's just running chkdisk. BRB.

[12:39:53] Dave The Happy Singer: My what?

[12:40:11] micheal collins: phone number

[12:40:14] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh.
[12:40:17] Dave The Happy Singer: Of course.
[12:40:25] Dave The Happy Singer: Do you know my phone number?

[12:40:31] micheal collins: no
[12:40:40] micheal collins: give me your number

[12:40:52] Dave The Happy Singer: Ok.
[12:40:58] Dave The Happy Singer: Where is it?

[12:41:26] micheal collins: i mean your phone number

[12:41:52] Dave The Happy Singer: Well, where is that?

[12:42:24] micheal collins: i mean your phone number

[12:42:47] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh, I see.
[12:42:55] Dave The Happy Singer: I’m not sure where it is.

[12:43:51] micheal collins: so give me your phone number so i can call you

[12:44:50] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh, that’s a good idea.
[12:44:57] Dave The Happy Singer: I always need help with these things.

[12:45:07] micheal collins: ok
[12:45:17] micheal collins: give me your number
[12:46:15] micheal collins: dave

[12:46:24] Dave The Happy Singer: Yes?

[12:46:46] micheal collins: give me your number

[12:48:41] Dave The Happy Singer: I need to find it first.
[12:48:51] Dave The Happy Singer: I can’t see it on my phone.
[12:48:55] Dave The Happy Singer: It’s one of those new phones.
[12:49:15] Dave The Happy Singer: It’s smooth, like a slab of glass.

[12:49:37] micheal collins: find your number ok

[12:50:30] Dave The Happy Singer: I am trying, but I can’t see it on my phone.
[12:50:35] Dave The Happy Singer: It’s one of those new phones.
[12:50:44] Dave The Happy Singer: It’s smooth, like a varnished chocolate bar.

[12:51:22] micheal collins: ok take your time andfind it

[12:51:34] Dave The Happy Singer: Can you contact me later?
[12:51:42] Dave The Happy Singer: I will ask my son to find it for me.
[12:51:53] Dave The Happy Singer: It’s just that I can’t see my number on my phone.
[12:52:00] Dave The Happy Singer: It’s one of those new phones.

Baby otter

N'awwwww.

[12:52:08] Dave The Happy Singer: It’s smooth, like the fur of a baby otter.

[12:52:09] micheal collins: ok

Like no other man could

[12:52:19] Dave The Happy Singer: Thank you, Michael.
[12:52:27] Dave The Happy Singer: I really appreciate all you’ve done for me.
[12:52:40] Dave The Happy Singer: You’ve brought joy into my heart like no other man could.

[12:52:46] micheal collins: you are welcome but youer email address

[12:52:49] Dave The Happy Singer: Just think: teeth!
[12:53:02] Dave The Happy Singer: Talk to you later, Michael!

[12:53:18] micheal collins: your email address
[12:54:15] micheal collins: dave

[14:19:38] Dave The Happy Singer: Hello!

62 Comments

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    Unbelievable Dave, you are much more patient than I am. I resort to a simple expletive that rhymes with truck followed by ‘off’. Did you report him to gmail?

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