Atheists, unicorns and the same lame Bible

From teh Twitters comes this stunning insight:

Grant Vandersee Unicorns
Grant Vandersee LOLs when you bring up unicorns, ROFL

Atheist: Indulge me; let’s say I had faith in an invisible purple unicorn on mars, who shaped the world with his magical horn.

Grant Vandersee, Online Christian Soldier: LOL how atheists always bring up unicorns. Do u all read from the same lame book? ROFL

Beautiful, isn’t it? The christian is accusing atheists of all reading from the same lame book.

Here’s another example: christians (and atheists, I’m afraid), sometimes claim Richard Dawkins is ‘arrogant’ for pointing out there is no need to believe in magic wish-granting sky faeries. This alleged arrogance pales in comparison to a grown adult’s serious claim that he is in a personal relationship with the creator of the entire universe.

Or consider the never-thought, often uttered claim that defenders of reason are ‘militant’ atheists. Poor Richard gets that one all the time. Yet christianity has been soaked in militant language (and occasionally action) since the beginning.

Unicorns in the Bible

But back to Grant Vandersee and his unicorns. For the beautiful delicious icing on this cake of irony, let’s read from the Same Lame Book as him:

His glory is like the firstling of his bullock, and his horns are like the horns of unicorns: with them he shall push the people together to the ends of the earth: and they are the ten thousands of Ephraim, and they are the thousands of Manasseh. (Deuteronomy 33:17 KJV)

Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib? Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee? (Job 39:9-10 KJV)

Save me from the lion’s mouth: for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns. (Psalm 22:21 KJV)

He maketh them also to skip like a calf; Lebanon and Sirion like a young unicorn. (Psalm 29:6 KJV)

But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil. (Psalm 92:10 KJV)

God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn. (Numbers 23:22 KJV)

God brought him forth out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn: he shall eat up the nations his enemies, and shall break their bones, and pierce them through with his arrows. (Numbers 24:8 KJV)

And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. (Isaiah 34:7 KJV)

The bible is lame

Of course, no-one would say the the biblical unicorn was a real animal, not an imaginary creature. Right?

The biblical unicorn was a real animal, not an imaginary creature.

- Answers in Genesis

Yes, but they’re wingnuts. No True Christian™ would say the biblical unicorn was a real animal. True Christians™ don’t believe in silly mythical beings. Christianity is serious business. God didn’t sacrifice himself to himself to atone for the sin we inherited from a woman made of a rib because she ate an apple a talking snake told her to for nothing, you know. And besides, the King James Version is riddled with bad translations. ‘Unicorn’ probably just meant a wild ox. Or a narwhal. Or something.

Anyway, I’ll let the christians deal with the rationalisation. I have to take Mr Unicorn for a walk now. Once I stop laughing.

Mr Unicorn

Mr Unicorn, my flatmate


Grant, you owe me a new fucking irony meter
Grant, you owe me a new fucking irony meter

Grant Vandersee: Amazing how quickly people can make assumptions and jump to conclusions despite no evidence. And indeed with conflicting evidence.


  1. JimLittle1
    Posted October 2, 2011 at 20:15 | Permalink

    Grant said today – “evolution suggests blacks are closer to monkeys than whites”.

    When challenged with “are the ‘evolution’ books you read written by IDiots – because that’s the stuff you’re coming out with”,

    Grant responded – “as I said, evolution books so they would be evolution idiots. Why would ID proponents write evolution books?” …

    … and “evolution idiots write books with lies to support their propaganda push :-)

    So, Grant ought to be able to provide references to those books …

  2. Posted October 3, 2011 at 00:04 | Permalink

    GV is a classic example of a militant christian fundie. I wrote a blog post too – thought the irony in his unicorn tweet was too delicious to miss.

    His comment re blacks sounds like something straight from the bible belt, US, but apparently he’s here in Australia

  3. Ishai
    Posted October 3, 2011 at 10:20 | Permalink

    Just to clarify- it is only the English (KJV) bible that says “unicorn”. Original Hebrew text uses an ancient name for an antelope, although there are arguments between expert Rabis if it is actually referring to a Rhino or even (one “wise” person suggests) a certain dinosaur…
    Makes it so much more believable, doesn’t it?

  4. Posted October 3, 2011 at 19:34 | Permalink

    Hilarity ensued.

  5. Posted October 3, 2011 at 19:59 | Permalink

    In an effort to make the Bible seem less lame, I’ve decided to replace the word ‘dust’ with ‘pants’ throughout.

  6. Emil
    Posted October 3, 2011 at 21:14 | Permalink

    The Hebrew “re’em” is not easy to translate. Sadly, the KJV made a travesty of it. Unless, of course, the translators did believe in the fairy tale animal.

  7. Peter
    Posted October 4, 2011 at 20:59 | Permalink

    Unicorns are real:

  8. Posted October 29, 2014 at 13:09 | Permalink

    China Infant Gender Calendar was used in Historical Cina with regard to speculating newborn sex.
    For example if your nursery has a beach theme,
    paint a seashore scene on it or paint the stomach cast to look like a seaside ball.
    Many couples are putting off having children until their 30′s or over.

Post a Comment

Your email is never shared. Required fields are marked *


Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.