Dear Mr Wrotniak,
I am writing to ask politely that you respect the very clear ‘No Junk Mail’ sign next to my mail box. The purpose of this sign is to decline unsolicited marketing material. This includes but is not limited to menus for takeaway restaurants, flyers for home-cleaning companies, and invitations to indulge in the consumption of the charred corpses of fellow mammals with members of a death cult which hopes a probably fictional (and if not long dead) Palestinian will return and absolve us of the need to make responsible use of resources such as paper.
I note from this hilarious conversation (should it be genuine) that you are, as am I, opposed to unsolicited communication. I would, however, not be inclined to address you in quite such strong terms. For example, I would not go so far as to say:
You’re probably a faggott too. Your self righteous,aggro, judgemental highhorse attitude is a characteristic of most faggs. Keep your hand off it,looser.
It’s spelled ‘loser’, above all else.
As this is the second time that I have had to contact your church regarding this matter, I am making this an open letter.
Dave The Happy Singer