Again we would like to apologise for any hurt or offence which may have been caused by the paid advertising we undertook for the 2010 prime ministerial debate event, hosted by the Australian Christian Lobby (ACL).
A classic notpology: Gloria Jean’s is sorry everyone’s pissed off at them. They haven’t, you’ll notice, apologised for handing over $30,000 to an anti-gay lobby group. They also claimed the $30k donation was not a donation, though the Australian Electoral Commission clearly seems to think it was a donation, and I don’t know who to trust because Gloria Jean’s wouldn’t lie, would they?
The best bit, though, was this:
We are not affiliated with Hillsong, however we do support a wide range of charities and churches in the communities in which our coffees houses operate including Hillsong.
So Gloria Jean’s support Hillsong, but they are not affiliated with them.
Gloria Jean’s is a major partner of Hillsong, but they are not affiliated with them.
As it happens, I’ve been to Hillsong. When I went to their Hills campus, first-time visitors were given a voucher for their first free coffee. But only the first coffee on the first visit. Coffee doesn’t grow on trees, you know!
It was all a far cry from the Church of England, which fucked up my childhood but at least gave me free tea.
Oh, now where do you suppose you buy this coffee at Hillsong? Why, from Starbucks of course!
Only kidding. It’s Gloria Jean’s. I bet you knew that. Here’s a picture of the Gloria Jean’s-branded coffee cart at Hillsong itself.
Gloria Jean’s has a coffee cart actually at the Hillsong church, but they are not affiliated with them.
Look closely, and you can see the Gloria Jean’s logo there on the coffee cup, just chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’, all cool and all not affiliated with the young lady at the till there. The one in the ‘Hillsong team’ t-shirt.
There’s a lot more that could be said, about how Gloria Jean’s bosses are not affiliated with the church they’re elders of, or about the tangled web of relationships (but not affiliations) surrounding gay-exorcists Mercy Ministries, their financial backer (but not affiliate) Gloria Jean’s, and the Hillsong empire.
But I think I’ve already shown in what sense Gloria Jean’s mean they are ‘not affiliated’ with Hillsong.
In the sense that Ted Haggard is completely heterosexual.